Mindless Hiaku

scar remains unseen
vague smile no one home blank stare
lobotomy success

A Shiver or a Tingle

10 things that give me a thrill

10-The sight of my son closing his trumpet case.
9-The fact that there are people at work that are too scared to talk to me.
8-The jar of Rocks hair that sits on my dresser.
7-Aliens visit me regularly.
6- The sound of my boys laughter in their sleep.
5-Those seconds when swooshing down a ski hill on the edge of control when I do not know if I am kicking gravity's butt or it will kick mine.
4-Knowing I am the only one in the family who is cowboy enough to not be scared to hand feed the bull.
3-The BBC version of Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares. He takes is shirt of every time to change into his chefy coat. Full frontal Ramsey titties thank you luv.
2-My ability to chew my way out of restraints.
1-1 part tequillia,1 part Godiva chocolate liquore, 0 parts clothes

It Happens in Stockholm

Take me away, far far away with you. Sweep me away and off this plane involuntarily, sharply. Smile as you watch me battle myself and give in all the while knowing I won’t and I can’t because unknowingly willing prey simply doesn’t slip through your aching grasp.
Rip every shred of everything from me and lash me to your whims. Force me to feel, to beg, to scream, to squeal with sudden involuntary urges and wild abandon. Thrust me blindfolded into the folds of your mind and let me languish with only your deepest dreams for sustenance for days endless weeks turning to years and tear mixed laughter closing in around us in the dark, musty air of our secret hideout.
Force feed me your love through angush and watch as I leave myself, forget myself, rebirth myself through the canal of your mind and guidance of your touch. Invade me, lacerate my skin, tear me open and flesh me out.Reach in to grab fistfuls of my insides, shred to a fine dust and inhale them with all your senses. Breath new life into me, make me you.

Alms for Grandmother

I watched him for a long while before I volunteered my help. I had lingered while his large strong hands manipulating the crumbling dough between his thick fingers. "Can I help?" I asked. Alm jumped at the sound of my voice, his reverie broken by my question. His face flushed the color of the apples on the counter before him as he stammered his refusal. Everyone else in the kitchen disapeared like shadows in the sunlight at my approach. Caught with his hands in the gooey dough, Alm knew there was no way to deign his guilt. What he didn't know, I was more curious than angry. My eyes shifted from his face to the tattered yellow paper on the counter. It read-

1 cup flour
2 tablespoons sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 lb butter,
2 tablespoons water

apples
orange peel

1/4 cup flour
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup butter
1/4 teaspoon salt
cinnamon
allspice

"This your recipe?"
"No", he answered, "my grandmother's."
He would not let me help, nor did I offer my assistance again. But I stood and watched the ungainly janitor create the most delicious pastry to ever come out of that kitchen.
"Alm, you have no direction or measurements written down. How do you make it come out so perfect?"
"Grandmother would make this every Christmas. When I got older and she was sick, I would make it."
I could have sent him to the hole for stealing food. Instead I asked to for a copy of his recipe. I made sure he made enough for all the kitchen workers for his impromptu going away party.
The next day, Alm was shipped to a different facility to serve the remainder of his life sentience for killing his grandmother.

Six Word Memoir

My life in six words:

"Laughter and magic are her children."

Please leave your six word life story as a comment.

Horny But Sensitive

Name: Bone Head

Occupation: floral design

Hobbys: long walks in the moonlight, cud chewing, forien erotica

Use the Door Bell Next Time

Sometimes love chrashes down my door like a storm unannounced.

Othertimes love slips in and waits in a corner paitently for me to notice.

Next time it enters, I'm throwing my own welcome party.

And burning down the fucking house when it's gone.

Young Love

They celibrated their first anniversary in December. It was a year since they became offcial at last years school ski party. This year he got her a teddy bear with a secret love note on the inside to mark the occasion. He hangs at her house and helps her wash goats on her mom's farm. She comes fishing with him . This girl was the first female to infiltrate the gentalmens club in our basement. She lectures him about his home work, he teaches her how to shoot. This picture was taken at his twelveth birthday party.

Love Arangement

“Everything has its place,” explain to you buff new roomate. “And you arrange things according to a certain connection that allows the energies to flow properly throughout the room.”

“Makes sense,” he’ll say.

“If things are rearranged to break the feng shui, very bad things can happen and the house can become a terrible place to live.”

“Don’t want that to happen,” he’ll say.

“So we’re gonna have to slide the couch against the big wall. The entertainment center is gonna have to move over here by the window,” say to him. “And you’re gonna have to incert your tounge down my throat.”

“This goes back centuries,” he’ll say. “Can’t be wrong.”

Your hot roommate will help you to move the couch and the entertainment center and then you’ll both climb on the couch and he’ll groom your tonsils. The house will instantly feel much more livable.

Chocolate for My Heart

In my laundry room my husband keeps two first aid kits. The small one, is full of band aids and ointments that is kept with in easy reach of the children.

The other, he keeps stocked with emergancy chocolate and is unknown to the children.

Doing my wash has kept me from critical harm many times since I fell in love with him.

Eternity in Ten

Close my eyes and count back from 10 9been waiting all my life been waiting 8 7 please let it happen let it happen 6 5 seconds left my heart is racing 4 loves me loves me not 3 stop don't go don't 2 now or never now 1 stay I love you.

Wall Flower for Jacob Dylan

(ppst. that's me in the upper left corner)

Name: Grey Duck ( so my coif has changed as i've aged)

Occupation: Light House Keeper

Hobbies: Water sports, illusions, profiling

boisterious redheads need not reply

Tell Me Something

i do not care where you live or the car you drive.if you know some one who knows some who knows someone.if your clothes are this years hot item.if your trust fund is unlimited.if you are a list or b list or the i'm too cool to be listed.i only care about the words that vibrate from you mind.they are the only thing truly your own.the only thing i will remember you by.i did not fall in love with your bones and skin.i did not fall for the places you have been.i will only love you for the words that vibrate from your mind.

Spice Gurl Seeks Footballer

Name: Ginger

Occupation: Decoration

Hobbies: Catching some rays, looking coy, me time

Strange Love Triangle

Ephram and Wrinkly Joe finally found out that you were dating both of them at the same time, so they went off alone to determine who would be the one to keep you by his side.
You've been waiting at home for hours, wondering which boy would win your hand. You're about to hear a knock on your door, and when you open it you'll see Ephram there with a bouquet of daiseys in his hand.
"Ephram!", you'll shout. "You defeated Wrinkly Joe and won my hand. Oh what sort of gruesome duel did you two gentleman choose to serve as your battleground?"
Ephram will say, "We decided to settle it with a game of Frisbee golf.''Frisbee golf?", you'll ask. Ephram will then explain to you the object of Frisbee golf, which basically amounts to throwing a Frisbee at a bunch of trees. "But that game's real boring, so we gave up before we finished.'' "You left the game unfinished? Then how did you decide who would be the sole recipient of my affections?''
"Uno," Ephram will say. "But Uno sucks unless there's at least three or four people. So we had to play with my Mom and Wrinkly Joes other girlfriend Leslie.'' "And you defeated them all!" you'll shout. "Naaah," Ephram will grumble. "Couldn't win a hand. Neither could Wrinkly Joe. My Mom took two hands and my Mom's boyfriend Steve sat in on a hand and he took that one. Got sick of it after that.''
"Oh but I'm on pins and needles,' you'll say. 'What sort of challenge did you engage in next?''
"Jenga. Then Clue. Then we put on some Dance Revalution we both krumpt at a steady pace to see who could go the longest without colasping. We tied that one. Then did you ever do Sudoku?'' No!" you'll exclaim. 'But I've heard so many wonderful things about it! Is that how you won my love?" Ephram will say, 'Naaah. I just did a bunch of them while I was waiting for Wrinkly Joe to come up with some more ideas. I got so wrapped up in those number puzzles, I didn't even notice him leave. He left you this note. I'm gonna watch "Deal Or No Deal.'' Ephram will hand you the note from Wrinkly Joe and then he'll go into the living room to watch "Deal Or No Deal." The note will read as follows:

My Dearest,I loved you. But I'm just so tired of playing games. Wrinkly Joe.

As you fold up the letter, you'll feel a little heartbroken that Wrinkly Joe would let you go this way. Then you'll hear Ephram gasp at the TV. A contestant on "Deal Or No Deal" will have just decided to make a telephone call to an accountant. You'll cuddle up on the couch next to Ephram, and you'll be glad he's the one you ended up with. If Wrinkly Joe had won, you might never have been able to find out what plan of action the accountant will recommend. In short, you would be lost.

Fun Chick Looking For Hot Cock

name: Eagle

occupation: consultant

hobbies: scratching, pecking, skeet shooting

10 of Love

Ten of the strangest things I have done in the name of love.


10: Made it my mission to have a special education director fired.

9: I slept two weeks on a plastic public couch in a hosptial lobby.

8: I made his favorite food, drove across the state for a surprise lunch. Then moved his office furniture in front of his windows and had sex with him instead.

7: Lied to the attendance office to spend his birthday with him and him alone. Yearly.

6: Arm wresstle and never win.

5: Volenteered to clean the church every week. The church across from his house. (I spent most of my time out at the car trying to get the vacum out of the trunk and waiting for him to apear.)

4: Packed everything I could fit from our home into a boat. Lived out of boat for 2 years.

3: Buried a one hundred forty pound sheep dog in the middle of the night so noone would cry.

2: Mastered "the scorpian" pose.

1:Reseached and constructed a bomb. Later disabled bomb when crush bombed.

Admiting I Have a Problem

I drank too much of your face and hair and eyes (YOUR FREAKING EYES!) and now I'm bloated because I drank too much of your lips and neck and little baby shoulder bend and don't forget that sip I took of every nip of skin within a six inch radius of your belly button which was quite refreshing but did not stop me from drinking too much knee and elbow and top of your head and the balls of your feet and your balls and tongue and the three hearty gulps of the palm of your hand that I downed right after I drank too much of your cheeks and hips and I guzzled your toes and your crow's feet and I swilled too much of your temples and the way you grab my head when you kiss and the five fingertips of your manly left hand plus the chug of your calf and your adams apple, ankle, tricep, eyelash, nipple, backside and right thigh and I also had a very tall glass of that sudden gasp of breath you took when you opened up your eyes and now I have to go and pee or burst.

A Fortnight Of Luvin

My Dearest Readers,

My best intentions are to devote the next fourteen amour filled days with joy and happiness for your reading pleasure. In stead of twelve days of Christmas, you will recieve fourteen days of my warmest regards.
It will be most helpful if you are nakid, a little drunk, and well oiled up, when I return.
All my love,
Munkay